Seize the Crown
by Pacmantacco
Summary: The inter-dimensional adventures of Star and Marco!
1. Rhombulus' Crystal Goop

**Chapter One: Rhombulus' Crystal Goop**

* * *

"Don't worry, Star! I'm right behind-"

"Hey."

Marco's lackluster battle cry was cut short as he came face to face with the familiar sight of a pale face crowned by a set of jagged horns; a sight he was pretty sure hadn't been there just a moment before.

"Wait, what are you doing here!?"

"Checking up on you." Hekapoo said. "It was about time Rhobmulus let you out."

"Rhombulus?"

"Oh come on, you remember Rhombulus, don't you?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Big square head? Talks to his hands? Timeout guy-"

"Of course I know who Rhombulus is!" Marco exclaimed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "That's not the point. What does he have to do with anything anyways?"

"See for yourself." Hekapoo said, shrugging off his frenzied state.

She gestured to the ground, drawing attention to the melting remnants of a large blue crystal as it pooled into a puddle of transparent liquid beneath his feet.

"Aw, come on!" he groaned, shuddering as he inspected the substance adhering to the soles of his sneakers. "Please tell me I wasn't inside of that."

"You weren't inside of that."

"…You're lying to me, aren't you?"

"Hey, I'm just following orders." she said, smirking as she feigned a salute.

"Does this stuff stain!?"

"How would I know?"

"I swear, this gunk better not mess up my-"

"Dude, I think you have bigger things to worry about than Rhombulus' crystal goop."

"What could possibly be worse than… Star!"

"At least you've still got your priorities in order."

"Where is she!?"

"Rhombulus went to unfreeze her."

"That doesn't answer the question!"

"Relax! We can start making our way over to them right now."

"What's going on!? She was right in front of me just a second ago!"

"Don't get hung up over that. Trust me, it's only going to get weirder from here." Hekapoo said, leaving him to sputter in a state of dumbfoundedness.

She unsheathed a pair of scissors from the folds of her dress, pointing the tip of the blades out in front of her before tearing a hole into the invisible fabric of reality, directing them with all the precision of a veteran heart surgeon. As she took a step back from her physics-defying incision, a vortex of bright orange flames spewed forth and materialized as a swirling mass of fiery tendrils.

"Well, are you coming or what?" she asked, loitering just in front of the newly-created portal.

"Hold on a second, where exactly are we going?"

"You wanted to see Star, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Then let's go."

"Don't I get some sort of explanation first!?"

"We can walk and talk."

"Fine, just give me a moment to think."

"Alright, but don't take sixteen years this time, we don't have that kind of time to spare."

And with that, Hekapoo disappeared through the portal, swiftly enveloped by a curtain of flames before disappearing from sight entirely.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I hope you enjoyed!


	2. Quite the Headache

**Chapter Two: Quite the Headache**

* * *

"Baaaa!?"

"Listen, Chancellor, I know it sounds bad-"

"Baaaa!"

"Hey! It's not like I'm the one who lost her!"

"Baaaa?"

"Okay, fine, maybe I was the one who lost her, but-"

"Baaaa!"

"That was a bit uncalled for, don't you think?"

"Baaaa…"

Lekmet rose up from his crystal throne and began pacing around the uncomfortably small room, all the while belching out a tirade of frustrated bleats. He anxiously raised his hoofed hands up to his temples, shutting his eyes as he rubbed away at the steady staccato beating away just beneath his forehead. For as much as he adored his rockheaded companion, Rhombulus could really be quite the headache.

"Chancellor, there's no need to panic yet!"

"Baaaa!?"

"Hey! I'll have you know that I already understand just how big of a deal this is, but there's no sense in losing our heads over it! That's not going to help anyone! The only way we're going to get through this is if we take the time to think things through like rational people."

"Baaaa?"

"Well, no, I don't have a plan or anything, but there's got to be something we can do, right?"

"Baaaa!"

"I just don't understand how any of this could've happened." Rhombulus said, sighing as he lead the primordial goat demon back to his seat. "My crystals used to be awesome! They used to be as hard as diamonds, not mushy like whatever that weird sugary gunk was."

"Baaaa?"

"Of course I tasted the gunk! It could've been a clue or something."

"Baaaa."

"So what if I don't have a mouth!?"

"…Baaaa?"

"Well, no, it didn't help at all, but it was still worth a try."

"Baaaa."

"It's not like you have any better ideas!"

"Baaaa!"

"Oh, you do…"

"Baaaa."

"Go on then, let's hear it."

"Baaaa-"

"Woah, woah, woah! Hold on just a second! We can't do that!"

"Baaaa?"

"If I tell Hekapoo that I lost the Princess, I'll be in the timeout corner for the rest of eternity!"

"Baaaa."

"Okay, I may or may not deserve it, but-"

"Baaaa!"

"Fine, I definitely deserve it, but we can still fix this without her help!"

"Baaaa."

"Sure we can! All we have to do is find the princess before the rest of the commission realizes that she's gone! I mean, how hard could it possibly be?"

"How hard could what be?"

A sliver of panic settled in Rhombulus' stomach as he swivelled around, nearly tripping over his own feet as the sight of a bright orange portal came into view. He could feel his heart plummet as his single eye fixed itself upon the newcomer. It was hard to tell with the fear eating away at his senses, but he could've sworn that the flame between Hekapoo's horns burned bright with a rage only matched by her withering glare.

"How long have you been standing there?" He whimpered.

"Long enough to know that the timeout corner is finally going to get some use."

"But-"

"Now!"

"Aw, man…"

With his snake arms dragging along the ground behind him, Rhombulus scuttled off to the other end of the room, leaving Hekapoo to spout a string of frustrated obscenities as she raced over to the Chancellor.

"He lost the Princess!?"

"Baaaa." Lekmet bleated, nodding solemnly.

"Agh! Well isn't that just great!?"

"Baaaa."

"We've been waiting decades for this moment!

"Baaaa."

"I swear, if we have to start all over again just because of Rockhead over there-"

"Don't call me Rockhead!"

"Hey! People in the timeout corner don't get to speak!"

"…Stupid timeout corner."

"…Baaaa?"

"Look," Hekapoo began. "We still have some time before Marco gets here, so I say we just-"

Hekapoo was unceremoniously cut off when the portal began to shudder back to life, glowing brighter and brighter as it churned with excess energy. Flames danced along its borders as the portal sputtered and strained to allow Marco to pass through, barely managing to eject him into the cramped room before collapsing in on itself.

"Never mind then..."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Fun fact, the word 'Baaaa' appears twenty-three times in this chapter.


	3. On the Fritz

**Chapter Three: On the Fritz**

* * *

"…Is he dead?"

"Hey! What are you doing here!? Get back to the timeout corner!"

"I'm just saying, if he's dead, then I wouldn't be the only who screwed up this time."

"That's a low blow, Rhombulus."

"Well, at least I'm not the one who-'

"Baaaa!"

Lekmet's sudden outburst of bleating was enough to put a swift end to his companions' incessant bickering. He gestured for the two of them to move aside as he lowered himself onto the ground, maneuvering himself into a position alongside Marco's unconscious form. All the while clicking his tongue and shaking his head, the Chancellor began to thoroughly scour over the injuries that had been inflicted onto the boy by the collapsing portal.

"How is he?" Hekapoo prompted. "He's going to be okay, right?"

"Of course he's going to be okay!" Rhombulus interjected. "Everything's under control, isn't that right Chancellor?"

Without so much as a word in response, the Chancellor furrowed his brow and gently set a pair of hoofs on Marco's chest, pressing down as if they were the electrodes of a defibrillator. His companions watched as he shut his eyes and began to chant, allowing a droning hum to resonate from his diaphragm and fill the room. The air seemed to reverberate in response to his arcane incantations and the walls trembled as if they were in awe of the raw magical power manifesting in front of them.

"We should probably give him some space." Rhombulus said, backing off to the far end of the room with Hekapoo in tow. "I have a feeling that this going to be some of the most-"

"Baaaa!"

Lekmet's ritual was brought to an abrupt end when the Chancellor began to howl with pain as he was jerked forwards in a series of convulsive twitches, much to the horror of his companions. He clutched desperately at his forehead as he violently emerged from his trance, trembling as if every one of his movements seared his entire body with immense pain. By the time Rhombulus rushed forward to scoop him up into his arms, Lekmet had started to hyperventilate, heaving as his eyes finally shot open and darted around the room in a state of dazed panic.

"Chancellor, are you still with us? Come on, say something!"

"Baaaa…"

"Oh man, this is bad! This is all kinds of bad!"

"What's he saying?" Hekapoo asked, eyeing him nervously as she reached over to grasp one of Lekmet's hoofed hands. "What happened to him?"

"The Chancellor says that his magic backfired big time. If he didn't cut himself off when he did, that would've probably been the end of-"

"Baaaa!"

"Sorry, you're right," Rhombulus said. "There's no sense in dwelling on it."

Hekapoo rose to her feet, frowning as she unsheathed a pair of scissors and carefully ran a finger along the length of its blades. For a moment, she just stood there, seemingly lost to her thoughts, before finally turning back to address her rockheaded companion.

"Hey, Rhombulus, when was the last time we had any problems with the Leak?"

"What, you mean the Fritz?"

"Sure, whatever you want to call it."

"It more or less sorted itself out when we handed Mewni over to-"

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

"…You don't think that it's messing with our powers again, do you?"

"Well, it'd at least explain why my portals keep screwing up."

"It'd also explain why my crystals aren't awesome anymore."

"Hm…"

"Oh no."

"What?"

"You've got that look on your face again…"

"Relax, Rhombulus, I'm just going to pay our little bird friend a visit."

"No way! That guy gives me the creeps!"

"If anyone knows about the Fritz, it'll be him."

"Ugh, fine, let's just get this over with."

"You're not coming with me."

"What!? Why not!?

"I just-"

"Is it because of the whole cranberry pie thing?"

"It has nothing to do with that."

"You don't seriously expect me to let you deal with that little creep all by yourself, do you?"

"Someone has to take care of Marco and the Chancellor while I'm gone."

"But what about the plan!?"

"In case you haven't noticed, there's not exactly much we can do without the Princess."

"…I guess you're right."

"Don't worry, I'll only be gone for a few hours."

"Fine, but I'm still not happy about it!"

"I don't expect you to be," Hekapoo said, sighing as she used her scissors to snip a hole into the fabric of reality. "But it's not like we have much of a choice."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I won't be able to update this story as frequently since I'm returning to school tomorrow, but I'll try to add a new chapter every week.


	4. Avarius Manor

**Chapter Four: Avarius Manor**

* * *

"He hasn't been doing so well lately." Dennis said, wringing his hands anxiously as he lead his guest through the winding halls of Avarius Manor. "And considering how unexpected your arrival was, I have my doubts as to whether he'll take kindly to you visiting him at this late hour."

"I only need to speak to him for a few minutes." Hekapoo said, shrugging the warning aside. "Besides, I wouldn't be here if I could help it."

"I'm aware, believe me. Rumor has it that you and the rest of the High Commission haven't even stepped foot in Mewni since the treaty was-"

"I'd rather not talk about that. It's a sensitive subject."

"Right, my bad."

The two walked in silence, passing through a labyrinth of corridors lined with all sorts of tacky displays of the Avarius family's wealth. It seemed as if every corner they turned brought them face to face with another gaudy decoration showcasing the unreasonably large sum of money at their disposal: the walls were lined with golden wallpaper; marble statues of potato chip bags framed the entrance of every doorway; golden chandeliers and disco balls adorned the ceiling; and the floors were carpeted by a shaggy layer of mammoth wool.

Hekapoo, feeling sick of looking at it all, eventually sought to distract herself with some idle small talk.

"So, your brother, what's wrong with him?"

"Excuse me?"

"You said he hasn't been feeling well recently, so what's wrong with him?"

"Ah, well, he's been bedridden for the past few days."

"Is he sick?"

"No, it's not quite like that."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Depends on how far back you're willing to go."

"…I don't follow."

"He's never been quite the same since he regained control over his mind."

"I can't say that I blame him; it must've been a rough few years."

"It definitely took a toll on him."

"But that was decades ago."

"Yes, it was."

"So what's changed then? I sent Rhombulus to check up on you guys just a few months ago, and he didn't mention your brother acting any weirder than usual."

"It's a somewhat recent development." Dennis said, sighing as he scratched at the back of his head with a feathered talon. "You've got to understand that for the last few years, my brother's been doing a rather good job of keeping himself busy with his spy operations and what not, but deep down, I think both of us realized that his little side projects wouldn't be able to satisfy him forever. I can't say for sure when exactly it all began, but some time in the months prior to his decision to confine himself to his bed, I couldn't help but notice that he was becoming less and less content with his daily affairs; it was almost as if the very act of existing somehow exhausted him to his very his core. I've been keeping a watchful eye on him ever since I first noticed this change, but his condition has only worsened since then."

"Well, if that's the case, I could always talk to the rest of the High Commission about getting him some new assignments. It's not much, but a little variety might help spice things up a little and-"

"I'm afraid that wouldn't solve anything."

"What? Why not?"

"I don't have any concrete evidence yet, but I strongly suspect that his condition is, at least in part, the result of another concern beyond our control. I know that he'd never dare to admit it, not even to his own brother, but it seems like he misses the old days."

"Listen, Dennis, I want to help him, but this conversation isn't going to go anywhere unless you stop be so weird and cryptic."

"Pardon? I don't-"

"What the heck do you mean by the 'old days'?"

"I mean exactly what I said: he misses the castle that used to be his home; he misses the army of loyal minions that he loved more than his real family; he misses the life he lost when he lost his mind. It may sound insane, but part of me thinks that he even misses chasing after the wand and going toe to toe with the Princess…" Dennis trailed off, stopping midstride as his eyes transfixed on the ornately-carved mahogany doors looming over them from across the hall.

"Is your brother in there?"

"Yes."

"Perfect, thank you."

"Do you want me to come in with you?"

"It's fine. Just give me a few minutes and I'll be out of your hair."

"Are you sure? He can a bit much to handle at times and-"

"Like I said, it's fine. I can handle Ludo by myself."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Did you know that the _Acanthaster planci_ is a voracious predator of coral throughout the Indo-Pacific region?


	5. The Mad King Who Lost Mewni

**Chapter Five: The Mad King Who Lost Mewni**

* * *

Spurred on by a newfound aura of determination, Hekapoo marched her way down the corridor and pushed aside the heavy set of doors, bringing herself face to face with the sorry sight that awaited her on the other side.

Unlike the unnecessarily lavish features that furnished the rest of the manor, the cramped little bedchamber on the other end of the doors festered in a state of squalor. Hekapoo couldn't help but wince as she took in all the signs of neglect that riddled the room: a thick layer of grime carpeted every surface; a chandelier lay in shattered ruins on the ground; and the curtains had been devoured by moths and were now riddled with ragged holes. If it weren't for the shivering pile of sullied quilts huddled on the far corner of the bed, one could've easily assumed that the room hadn't been occupied for years.

Upon recovering from her initial shock of witnessing the horrid state of Ludo's room, Hekapoo turned back to shoot an accusatory glare at Dennis, only to see that he had long since scurried off to distract himself with some other task. She felt a pang of sorrow weigh in on her heart as she turned back and warily called out to the pile of blankets cowering in the other end of the room.

"Ludo?"

The blanket cocoon stirred in response to her voice, shedding off layers of bedsheets as it coiled up like a snake poised to attack. The structure surged forwards and a pair of beady eyes darted out from within the pile, narrowing in on her as a hoarse voice creaked out to answer her call.

"What do you want?"

"I need to ask you about-"

"Too bad, I'm busy."

"…Doing what?"

"Ignoring you."

"Ludo, this is important!"

"I'm not in the mood."

"I just need to know if-"

"Still not in the mood."

"Come on, it'll only be a few minutes."

"I'm. Not. In. The. Mood." Ludo snapped, all the while grumbling under his breath as he pulled a tattered quilt over his face and retreated into the depths of his blanket cocoon. "Now, why don't you leave me alone so I can get back to sleep? I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow."

"No you don't. I've heard that you've spent the past few days moping around in your bed."

"And how would you know that!?"

"A little bird told me."

"Dennis?"

"Yeah."

"Tell him that he has no business prying in my private life!"

"Ludo, the poor kid's worried about you."

"Don't make me laugh!"

"I'm being serious."

"He's probably just waiting for me to croak so he can grab up the rest of my fortune!"

"Why would he do that!? He's your brother!"

"So he says."

"We don't have time for this nonsense!"

"It may be nonsense to you, but I think-"

"Ludo, listen to me, we need your help."

"Oh please."

"Just hear me out for a second! Something's been screwing with our powers recently, and the timing's just way too convenient for it to be a coincidence. We need to figure out what's going on before our entire plan falls apart!"

"What do you mean by _our_ plan?"

"Well, I-"

"What place could I possibly have amongst the multiverse's most powerful magic users?"

"What are you even talking about!?"

"You know exactly what I mean!

"No, I really don't."

"Last I checked, the High Commission was made up of all sorts of freaks that could manipulate space-time and bring the dead back to life. Do you seriously expect me to believe that you can't handle this tiny, insignificant matter without my help!? Aren't you and your cronies practically gods!? What could you possibly have to gain from the _Mad King Who Lost Mewni_!? Actually, why don't you let me answer that for you: nothing; there's nothing I can do for you!"

"…What happened to you?"

"You still don't get it, do you!?"

"Apparently not."

"Nothing's happened to me! You're just finally realizing what I've always been since the very start! I'm a coward, a selfish one at that, and I always have been! I've been a spineless wreck from the moment I first stepped foot into your little narrative, nothing more than the laughing stock of the entire multiverse! I can't believe it took me so long to realize it! You have no idea how much of a relief it is to finally-"

"Ludo, stop it."

"Never! I'm pathetic and I'm proud of it!"

"That's enough!"

Hekapoo felt her eyes water as she watched Ludo wriggle out from his blanket cocoon and lash out in a rabid tirade of nonsensical ramblings. She understood all too well that he had never been the most mentally sound of individuals, far from it, but his unbridled insanity was nonetheless a disheartening sight to behold.

As Ludo dropped to the ground, all the while cackling maddeningly with his fingertips pressed against the sides of his head, Hekapoo reached into the furls of her dress and unsheathed a pair of dimensional scissors. She turned them over in her hands, a nervous habit of hers, and examined the ivory handles that had been bleached white to give them the appearance of bone. Hey fingers deliberately traced over the jagged blades and studded horns that had been haphazardly cobbled together to form the magical heirloom currently in her possession.

"Ludo, do you recognize these?" She asked, looming over him as she dangled the pair of scissors just a few inches away from his face. "These were specially made for you, do you remember?"

"Of course I do!" He growled, sneering as he lunged forwards to snatch them out of her grasp. "How did you even get your hands on these!?"

"I picked them up on my way here."

"That's not-"

"Do you know how long it's been since I gave you these?"

"Well, no, but it feels like it was just yesterday I-"

"It's been forty-two years."

"…Are you sure?"

"Forty-two years and fifty-six days to be exact."

"That can't be right…"

"Time flies, I guess." Hekapoo said, frowning as she watched Ludo attentively examine the pair of scissors balanced in the palm of his hand, sizing them up as if to ensure that they were more than just a figment of his imagination. "You know, the rest of the High Commission thought I was crazy when I decided to give you those."

"The scissors?"

"Yeah, they never let me live it down."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Omnitraxus even said that he'd never met a person so undeserving of their own pair."

"He said that about me?"

"Who else would he be talking about?"

"Hold on just a moment, how exactly is this supposed to make me feel better?"

"It's not."

"Then what's the point in telling me any of this!?"

"The point I'm trying to make is that those scissors didn't just fall out of the sky; you had to fight tooth and nail to earn them! Sure, the High Commission might not have believed in you at first, heck, I'm willing to bet that some of them still don't believe in you, but you at the very least got me to change my mind. Look, I know that you probably won't like hearing this, but you remind me a lot of the Human that you used to go toe to toe with."

"You mean your boyfriend?"

"Watch that tongue Ludo or I will cut it off."

"But-"

"Last warning."

"Fine, but I'll have you know that I'm nothing like that 'Marco' boy."

"You do realize that it's not meant to be an insult, right?"

"Then why does it sound like one?"

"Maybe it's because you're insane."

"This flattery will get you nowhere!"

"Flattery? Ludo, I just insulted-"

"Don't waste your breath! I already know all about your sneaky mind games, so don't you think for a moment that I'm going to fall for them! Trust me, there's nothing you could ever say or do to convince to give in and help you or your pathetic cause! You're on your own!"

"What if I buy you a bag of chips on the way back?"

"Please, I can't be bought over that easily!"

"How about two bags of chips?"

"…What flavor?"

"I don't know, barbeque?"

"Deal!"

* * *

 **Author's Note:** This chapter took _a lot_ longer to write than I thought it would! Sorry about the wait!


End file.
